What it REALLY takes to change

How often do we SAY we want to change something about our lives – whether it be something about ourselves, our jobs, homes, health, finances or relationships. Change is a constant in life, and it can be a pain in our sides and our greatest gift – often at the same time!

I vividly remember writing in my journals over the years, listing and re-listing all the things I wanted to change in my life: my weight, my fitness level, my communication skills, my relationship with my husband, and especially things about myself like confidence and courage. 

While I could see what I wanted, I didn’t really know how to get THERE. Painfully, during a move from my last home, I found my old journals.  Curious what was in there, I began paging through a bunch of them. Feeling a pit in my stomach, I saw how year after year I was in a cycle of repeating several old scenarios. While at that moment I noticed some progress, I also very clearly realized I was still very far from the full transformation I deeply desired.

See if you can relate to this scenario. You’ve just finished reading an inspiring book (perhaps it’s Radiant Achievement), or perhaps you’ve just attended a lecture, completed some amazing online transformational program, or had a deep dive conversation about life with a close friend.  You are fired up! You declare (perhaps even in front of a group of people) that you are committed to change XYZ! You are committed to your transformation.

You are excited. You think about how you are going to do things differently! Maybe that’s saying NO without an explanation, getting up for a workout instead of hitting snooze, applying for that new job, or having a truthful conversation with your partner about your feelings. 

You start seeing glimmers of hope about the new you for a few days or maybe even weeks and then…nothing. You stop, give up, and go back to your old habits and beliefs. The change you dreamed of has come to a screeching halt. 

This choice actually leaves you feeling even worse. Deflated. You hear yourself saying that you wish you hadn’t told so-and-so about your desire to change. You feel embarrassed and might even avoid the relationship for a while to limit hearing any criticism or “I told you so.”

This two steps forward and one step back is often a part of our journey of change. Unfortunately, we don’t often embrace this is part of the process.  On top of that, living in an instant gratification world can set us up for easy disappointment when we don’t see immediate results.

Let’s face it, change doesn’t typically happen with the snap of a finger. While we can change in an instant (I’ve seen it many times), most change comes as a result of some very specific things. These are the things I want to share with you today. 

Before I dive in, I want to give a bit of a disclaimer here.  What I’m about to share with you is not an all-inclusive list!  Every one of us is unique, and different “things” will work for different people. 

1. Believe change is possible!

You will never get what you don’t believe.  It’s a proven fact that belief creates your point of attraction. If you believe you are unworthy, you will not attract healthy love. We must love ourselves first.  This works for everything we desire to change. We want to have a healthy and fit body but are walking around with the belief that we are cursed in some way or that it’s just not in the cards for us. Then of course, we will not be able to transform into the healthy body we say we want.

In my book, Radiant Achievement, I talk about how I wasn’t pursuing my callings. While I wanted to live my life in alignment with my soul callings, there was a part of me that doubted I could change enough to step into this desire fully. Once I began to honestly believe I had what it took to change, then I was able to slowly make the changes that got me to where I am today. 

2. Be willing to face your “stuff.”

Our stuff is anything that holds us back from living our fullest, most Radiant Life. Our stuff includes: our limiting beliefs; our conditioned stories about ourselves, others, and the world; our hidden hurts and  resentments; and our unprocessed emotions. Often, we bury our stuff because it’s sensitive and painful to face. The truth is, what we keep buried can never be transformed. 

In facing our stuff, we don’t have to understand or speak to every detail or every element of it, but we have to be willing to see it – to see our limiting patterns or beliefs and then to be willing to let it go – even if a small bit at a time. 

Willingness to honestly see yourself is a key element of change. What you resist persists. Willingness allows you to flow with change versus fight it. 

3. Commit to Y.O.U. – to your highest self. 

Until we put that proverbial stake in the ground, we are not fully committed to being our most Radiant Selves.  Committing to Y.O.U. is a deep commitment that creates a rich and empowered environment for doing what it takes to express your most Radiant Self.

4. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. 

This is one of my favorite mantras and one that I said almost daily during my times of massive change. Change is uncomfortable because it is about doing something other than what we’ve become accustomed to (a.k.a. getting outside your “comfort zone”). Many people speak of being in the chrysalis and feeling like mush!  Yes, change can feel like that sometimes!  We almost have to tear down the old self to let the new self emerge.  

A quick note: I don’t believe we are making a new self but rather allowing our true, authentic, innate, natural self to come out.

5. Consciously feel the emotions of your future.

Choose the energy you are putting toward the change you desire to manifest. There is something very powerful I have learned in recent years. Our emotions are magnetic!  Per Dr. Joe Dispenza, our emotions are the language of our bodies, and they powerfully draw us to our life experiences. When we consciously choose our positive emotions, we are drawing to us the positive change we desire. For example, feeling grateful for our fit body will help us easily make the changes we need – to exercise, to eat healthier, to find a workout buddy – to create our T.

6. Flow don’t force. 

How often do we get impatient because something is not happening in our time frame? How often do we want to give up because we aren’t seeing the results WE want or expect? These are examples of us trying to force something. Just like we don’t force our flowers to bloom, we need to not force change. Forcing change works against us. 

Rather, we need to flow with it – by being in gratitude for the small change we have made, by pausing to see where we are resisting something, and then working through the resistance. Maybe you are diving too deep, too fast. The changes you desire to make might feel overwhelming, and so your body energetically shuts down. I know this scenario well!  I can see it now, but for many years I tried to force things to change. Not only did it bring a lot of pain, but it also never really changed things. 

Flow is so much more fun. Have you ever floated down a river in an inner-tube? Or how about paddling in a boat or canoe up river? That’s what it feels like when we are trying to force a change. Turn your boat around, and get into the flow of the next best step in front of you. 

7. Get ongoing support from like-minded people. 

Whether you find a buddy or a group of people, one sure-fire way to stay on track to making the changes you desire is to have support.  On top of this, it’s about finding true support versus someone who is vested in you staying just as you are. The good news with our online society is that it’s pretty easy to search out and find communities all focused on living their best life or centered on a certain aspect of life. 

This has been an absolute game changer in my life since I wholeheartedly committed to living my highest, most authentic Radiant Life. Having ongoing support is also beneficial because it makes the change process smoother and more joyful. We thrive in community. We are not meant to be alone or to do life alone. While we may need and enjoy periods of alone time (I know I certainly do), it’s within the community environment that we thrive.

In closing, I invite you to pause and reflect on all the positive changes you HAVE made in your life.  You may even want to make a list of what those core ingredients were that supported your transformation. Compare it to my list. I’d love to hear what you come up with. 

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